An interview with Tara Ray from Done and Left Undone blog, on Livechicandwell.com

Introducing Tara from “Done and Left Undone”

After the enjoyable experience of interviewing Jane Beckenham from My Home My Sanctuary a few weeks ago, I have been fortunate enough to score another great blogger interview.

This time I am delighted to present to you the inspiring Tara from “Done and Left Undone”. Tara resides in Australia with her young family but is originally from the United States and took the plunge to emigrate to Australia a few years ago.

Tara also interviewed me recently, here is the link to the thoughtful questions she asked and my responses.

Enjoy reading all about Tara and her fascinating perspective on life and I’m sure you will be keen to check out her blog or follow her on Instagram!

Please can you explain your choice of the name of your blog, “Done and Left Undone”? Perhaps it holds a certain significance to you or your life circumstances?

I guess it is a funny name for a blog. It’s actually inspired by a poem by the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu:

In the pursuit of knowledge, everyday something is added. 

In the practice of the Way, every day something is dropped.

Less and less do you need to force things, until finally you arrive at non-action.

When nothing is done, nothing is left undone. 

True mastery can be gained by letting things go their own way. It can’t be gained by interfering.

From the moment I read it, this passage started rolling around my brain like a marble. In our culture of glorified busyness, we are always doing, and yet there is so much left to be done. The more we do, the more needs to be done. The blog name is a reminder to myself to slow down and avoid the busy trap. I certainly believe in taking action, but I hope to take inspired action rather than just traipsing mindlessly from one activity to the next.

Tara, you grew up and spent most of your life in the US before emigrating to Australia (2 years ago?). How did you feel about the prospect of uprooting yourself and your young family to a faraway country? It sounds like a huge, brave step to take.

Thank you! My husband and I, along with our three children, moved to Australia in July of 2016 because of my husband’s job. The move is not a permanent one, which made the leap a little easier. It has been a really exciting time in our lives. I grew up in Austin, Texas, and had lived there most of my life. I had always wanted the experience of living in another country, so I was very grateful for the opportunity when it came along. The logistics of moving and figuring out how everything works in a new country, from enrolling the children in school to setting up our phone service and bank account, were not always simple.

It took about three months for me to feel settled, and ever since it’s been great. Sydney is such a beautiful city and I love being closer to the beach. My oldest child was 12 when we moved, and it was a lot harder for him than it was for his younger siblings. I think big moves are often easier for younger children. Still, we’ve had opportunities to travel and experiences that we never would have had if we had stayed in the US.

How is your life in Australia now different to the life you lived before in the US?

We shipped very few of our belongings from the US to Australia. We arrived with only our suitcases. A few months later, a few boxes that we sent by sea (mainly the some toys and books) arrived. The result has been an experiment in minimalism. 🙂 The house we’re renting in Australia is a lot smaller than our house in the US and we have relatively few things here. That aspect of it has been amazing in terms of housekeeping and having fewer things to organize and keep up with.

We’re also in a more walkable area here than we were in the US. I had been spending almost 3 hours a day driving in the US, which was way too much. Being able to walk the kids to school and spending less time in the car has been HUGE for me. I hadn’t fully appreciated before how much time I was losing every day by having to drive so much. One reason I’m able to write more now is that I’m spending less time commuting and driving the kids to activities. I finished the draft of a novel last year, and I don’t know that I would have been able to do that if we had stayed in the US. That change really isn’t anything specific to the US or Australia, we just happened to end up with a really different lifestyle.

This experience has taught me that there are a lot of different ways my life could look. I was on one path and it was comfortable and it would have been easy to continue along that path without giving it much thought. Making a huge change, like uprooting ourselves and moving to Australia, has taught us that it is possible to make massive shifts. If it’s possible to do one big thing, maybe it’s possible to other big things. Our lives are full of endless possibilities– I think it’s so easy for us to forget that as we go through our daily lives.

A quote in one of your blog posts really resonated with me: “I tell my kids, and myself, and anyone else who will listen, that our lives are the stories we tell ourselves”. Please can you expand a little on this. 

I think the stories that we tell about who we are define us. Have you ever noticed how two people can have almost identical experiences but describe their circumstances completely differently? Maybe one is a victim, the other is a survivor. We can focus on the negative or focus on the positive. It’s all about the details we choose to focus on and repeat. We’re not just passive creatures letting things happen to us; we get to be the creators of our own life stories. I think it’s empowering to recognize that where we choose to focus our attention helps shape our life’s narrative.

Finally, what advice would you give to your 20 year old self?

Oh, my 20 year old self was kind of a mess. I would tell my 20 year old self to start loving herself. She cared way too much about what other people thought and she wasted way too much time worrying about the future. I would tell her to start paying attention to her inner guidance instead of always looking for external validation. And I would tell her she is going to LOVE her future. In just three years she’ll meet the love of her life and each year will be brimming with more love and adventure than she can imagine.

Thank you for such thoughtful, insightful answers, Tara. They are very in-keeping with  the lovely, thought-provoking blog posts that you write 🙂

Tara Campbell Ray blogs at doneandleftundone.com.

You can also find Tara on Instagram @doneandleftundone.

P.S You can now follow me on Instagram. My IG handle is sarahdeeks_author. I post extra photos of bits and pieces that inspire and uplift me day-to-day so they may well have a similar effect on you 🙂 I look forward to seeing you there!

How to boost your confidence in social situations

6 Tips to Boost Your Confidence in Social Situations.

Confidence. One of those oh-so-elusive things at the times we need it most.

I’m sure I’m not alone in finding it a little anxiety-inducing to have to enter a room full of strangers. I admit that I still find unfamiliar social situations a challenge but many times I have pushed myself to face the fear head on.  A couple of examples include when I travelled alone to Italy to be an au pair for a family I had never met before as well as more common situations such as weddings where I knew very few of the other guests beforehand.

Yes, having to find the confidence to meet new people in social situations is unavoidable at times, so here are some strategies you could follow:

Visualise What Might Happen

…and anticipate likely questions, so that you can think about potential answers beforehand, as well as questions to ask the other person. For example when your child starts school, think what the other parents may ask you at the school gates. You could make a mental note to ask them whether they have any older children at the school and heather there is a PTA.

How to boost your confidence in social situations

Seek Out a Friendly Face

If you attend a party alone, quickly scan the room for someone who looks friendly and approachable. Without delay (to give yourself time to change your mind), stroll over to them with a smile and say hello. An easy ice breaker is to ask them how they know the hostess. Then you can ask a few questions about them or compliment them on something they are wearing. Most people are happy to talk about themselves and also enjoy having the pressure off having to think of their own questions!

Accept Compliments With Grace

If someone offers you a compliment, just smile and thank them. Resist the urge to downplay it by adding “what, this old thing?!”. That would only lower the energy to a more negative level and make the complimenter wonder why they bothered.

How to boost your confidence in social situations

Wear Bright Colours

They can have a positive psychological impact on our mood when we look in the mirror and make us look more approachable, too.

Be Mindful of Your Body Language

Crossed arms may make you feel safer but they say “don’t approach me”. Instead, aim for open body language with relaxed arms or gesticulate with your hands to show friendliness and confidence. If you have side pockets you could loosely keep your hands in them.

Spritz on a Favourite Scent

Studies show that women gain instant confidence by wearing their preferred scent. Carry a travel sized bottle to top it up later as needed.

It is Usually Worth Making Making the Effort

Scary though it can be, it is usually worth making the effort. You may even make some great new friends and make long-lasting memories. The more experience you gain in the types of situations you find difficult, the more easier you will find it to cope with future situations.

Do you have any of your own tips for increasing your confidence in social situations? I would love to hear them in the comments section below.

 

The power of scent to recall happy memories

The Power of Scent to Recall Happy Memories

Have you ever wondered why is it that getting a whiff of a certain scent can instantly transport you back to a time or place in your past that you associate with that scent?

Just a brief whiff of particular brands of suncream has the ability to transport me back to holidays of many years past. Instantly, more specific memories and moments of those holidays come rushing back to my mind and put a smile on my face.

Similarly, the scent of cinnamon calls for memories of baking as a child with my long departed dear grandmother to come flooding back.

There is actually a scientific explanation for why certain scents induce such a feeling of nostalgia. In a nutshell, it has been discovered that the brain records scents in an area of the brain that carries out the function of producing long-term memories.

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Scents From my own Childhood

Even simple everyday scents such as Pears soap and Bird’s custard (the latter I very rarely eat as an adult but was served it as a dessert with sliced banana once a week throughout my childhood) can stop me in my tracks as memories come flooding back. It caused me to ponder which scents from within our home my own children might store away in their long-term memories and be responsible for waves of nostalgia in their distant adulthoods. Here are a few possibilities based on prominent scents we have around the house…

Cleaning Product Scents

I always try to select cleaning products that have a pleasant scent. I love Zoflora concentrated disinfectants that come in a varied range of scents, my favourites have been lavender and green valley but there are many others. I have sometimes made my own kitchen surface cleaning spray with half white vinegar, half water and a few drops of an essential oil such as geranium, peppermint or lemon. If cleaning has to be carried out, you may as well add a pleasant aroma while you go about it!

Air Fresheners

When I’ve been cooking fish or anything else that causes strong odours to linger in the kitchen I spray Laura Ashley’s Olive and Italian Lemon Scented room spray. Just four or five pumps is sufficient to eliminate any odours and replace them with the most uplifting scent. Sadly, it appears that Laura Ashley have discontinued the spray but make a diffuser with the same scent which I imagine would continuously release a subtle, fresh scent into the kitchen.

I find plug-in air fresheners to be a little overpowering and when I spilled a tiny amount of the fragranced refill oil into a drawer once it took months of airing and scrubbing to try to remove it. Now and again I spray the corners of rooms with a little aerosol spray, especially in the winter months when the house gets less ventilation and may become a little stuffy. At present we have a cherry blossom and peony scented one which smells divine.

the power of scent to recall happy memories and nostalgia

Perfumes

Despite many women claiming to have a signature fragrance, I have never been able to stick to just one and flit between a few different scents. Generally though, I prefer light, citrus notes and am less keen on heavy florals. A couple of my current favourites include Beauty by Elizabeth Arden and French Connection’s Her.

Of course, exposure to scents that we love significantly boosts our happiness in the here and now too. In a previous post about savouring simple pleasures I mentioned that using a gorgeous smelling shower gel each morning has an uplifting effect.

How about you?

Which scents do you love to use in your home, even in simple things such as cleaning products? I would love to hear which scents make you feel nostalgic for your childhood, too.

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